So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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