just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
