I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
