I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
