i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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