I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
