Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
