strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
