I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
