i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
