her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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