i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
