After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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