I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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