McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
