you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
