I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
