Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
