Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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