And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
