They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
