He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
