On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
