I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
