shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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