My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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