that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
