4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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