So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
