Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
