No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
