Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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