Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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