hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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