Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
