sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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