Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize