um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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