They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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