Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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