Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
