what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
