the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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