You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
