ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
