Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
