yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
