I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
