hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
