so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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