she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
