i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
