I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
