if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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