you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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