i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
