It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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