they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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