I smell stomach acid.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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