does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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