dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
