Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
