I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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