she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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