Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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